Indecisive Sometimes Has A Nice Ring To It

So I finally decided to make that big jump. I fully realized that I was not ready for it after just coming back to the US two and a half years ago. My priority at the time was my family and that was where I focused. I became frustrated later when most of my friends seemed to have it all figured out and I was still stuck trying to find any path that seemed somewhat clear. I like to do things spontaneously but figuring out what I truly was passionate about and wanted for a career? That is one big pot that took forever to boil! I just wasn't sure I was capable of jumping in. When the word recession lurks at every corner and your decision requires you to step off that firm footing of a full-time job, it is slightly terrifying. So here it is, I am going back to school, pastry school that is.

A Couple of Things Have Happened...

So its been a while since I wrote on this lovely blog, so I thought it was time for an update. I have been enjoying it warming up here finally. It is actually in the high 70s! I have really been missing Northern Ireland recently but I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now. I have started working at a preschool as an assistant teacher in a 4 year old class. They are super cute and so smart! I have also been training for a full marathon at the end of May. I am doing it with Team in Training and raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I love running and it makes me even happier that I will be running in a marathon to help cure cancer!

What? Where? Why? How?

Life has been pretty hectic since I got back to the US. I loved feeling the heat and humidity in the southeast visiting with my mom. I also got a chance to reconnect with the other volunteers that served not only internationally but also in the US. We had a retreat in Ghost Ranch that was fantastic and helped continue the transitioning. I can't say that I am or will ever be fully transitioned back into the US culture. This past year gave me insight that I don't want to lose but I have enjoyed finding comfort in familiar things of home. I made the decision before I left Belfast to move to Indianapolis, IN.

During the middle of september, I had packed my car and drove two hours north to stay with a friend to make the 12 hour drive reduced to 10 hour in one day. Well, that was the plan until my car was having trouble driving up hills and I knew I would be encoutering mountains also before arriving at my destination. I took the car to the shop. The news was dreadful. The car needed 2,600 dollars in repair to make it right. This caused a chain of events which led me to unloading my packed car in 95 degree heat and loading it into my mom's car so that she could drive me home. Things were not looking like the way I had planned them. We sold the car to one of the mechanics. Thankfully, one of them liked it.

Anyway, I was now stuck on an island with no transportation and ironically not walking friendly. My mom and I went car shopping that following weekend. I was able to get a car! So I repacked my new car (well, new to me anyway!). I drove to Indianapolis. I moved in with my grandparents. I got settled somewhat. Then my grandpa went the hospital. Then he had open heart surgery. While, my grandmother on the other hand is now legally blind and has terminal cancer. As this is going on, I am also job searching. I am working on the virtues patience and humility right now. On the upside I joined the local YMCA and have been enjoying spending time with my family and being able to be there for them. I have taken up playing volleyball and taken a liking to spinning class. I look forward to spending thanksgiving this year with family but will always remember one of the volunteers heating up custard and just having it in a bowl for desert.

Saying Goodbye, no really, for real this time!

How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye seem impossible? So for all the brilliant people I have met this year, I will say " see you later"!


So I have been saying goodbye to people for months now, so much so that it has become a running joke. It has made it feel like I am not really leaving tomorrow morning. The funny thing is that coming to Belfast the end of August last year sometimes feels like ages ago but yet I can't imagine that this year is over. I am excited to tell my friends and family all about my year here in this dramatically beautiful country. It has been such a year of discovery for me and I have so many people to thank for it. I will definitely think back each day knowing which activities will be going on at either organization I worked with. The kids that I worked with will be a year ahead, quite a few of them heading off to secondary school. Its the small things that I will miss, like the wee chats with the mums at mums & tots. I will also miss seeing people I know when I walk to work or am walking to the grocery store.

Speaking of walking, I was given the opportunity to do quite a bit of walking as I had missed the bus in North Belfast to take me to city centre. So I walked to city centre. Well, once I got there I realized if I waited for the bus to East Belfast where I worked then I would be extremely late to my last service. So I kept on walking, something that I thoroughly enjoy thankfully. I made it with about ten minutes to spare and was quite impressed with myself because I was walking in sandals and a dress. After I had greeted and talked to quite a few people at the church doors, I took my seat and watched as the service started. They picked quite a couple of my favorite songs to sing and then the minister asked me to help serve communion with him. I was doing really well and was grateful to get the opportunity to serve the church one last time. Well as the second line of people came to be served communion, one of the pensioners collapsed. I have worked with her all year and have really enjoyed her spritely personality. Her face was ashen, one color I have never seen pale. After seeing her so frail, I suddenly began to cry. I couldn't help it and as I tried to prevent more tears, I started to sob. It felt good though. It was awkward as I gave the bread and said the wee message through sobs but it felt quite cathartic. It gave me a chance to let those walls down that I think I hold in so close now. I was able to finish helping serve and watched as she was wheeled out of the church. I pray that she is okay and that it was a scare. As I type this I also have to look forward because in a couple of hours I will be thrown into a sort of a reverse culture shock. I have told many people over here that I think it might just be harder adjusting to the US after being gone than leaving to welcome a new culture. Either way it will be there waiting for me to return, so I must deal with it in some capacity.

Plans- as of now finding a job would be nice. One that isn't 8-9 hours at a desk would also be preferable. Suggestion? Comments? Let me know!

Goodbye from Belfast one last time,
Sally

You and I will meet again, When we're least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won't say goodbye my friend

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner


Never Stopping

To be honest, I have tried hard to think at what would be the best to tell you about as my year here comes to a close. I am still quite busy and as usual feel like I am just barely being able to fit everything in. The sermon yesterday was titled "re-ordering disorder". I find that disorder wreaks havoc on my life and yet so many times I have let it. I have struggled to make intentional time to read and find focus. Now mind you, I have done plenty of reading but I don't know that Jane Austen counts as prayer time. I am a queen of tangents and distractions as many can attest. So as I work through my last full month in Northern Ireland, I am taking the effort to find focus and be in that moment. There is still plenty for me to do here though before I leave. I will be working in the new cafe at East Belfast Mission this week and the last week of July. In between that time I will be working at a quasi VBS/Summer Camp/Montreat in Cranfield, right under the Mourne Mountains. Cranfield is on the beach. The thing is if its raining, we will be leading the programs in the rain and if I haven't mentioned it before; it rains in Northern Ireland. It rains quite a lot. So while the rest of the programs that I have been doing have ended, the summer has sure provided plenty to keep me busy.

Blooper:
I was washing up after one of the pensioner's weekly meetings and was holding the teapot. Well, before I disposed of the used tea bags, I sniffed the inside of the teapot. I heard one of the guys that works in the office come in telling me that Americans are weird. I look up at him and probably blushed, while I explained that I was curious as to how it smelled when only the used tea bags were left. He just smiled, shook his head and walked back up to his office. I knew it was just my luck that someone would catch me doing something silly like that.

Oh to be a Monk

Passage: a path made for somebody through an obstruction; a section of a piece of writing, speech, or music; change of place or condition; process of time passing; a journey, especially one made by sea or air; the fact of traveling to a place or of being allowed to enter or pass through it.

These definitions all have had vital importance for me in the past month of May.

The last retreat with the other volunteers to Iona off the coast of Scotland, encapsulates many of the definitions given above. For those who have not heard, Europe had been inundated with ash clouds from Iceland that forced the airlines to cancel a week of flights and left many stranded with very few options. Instead of flying to Glasgow and making our way from there, we borrowed the minibus from my roommate's church and drove most of the way. Now wait, you say, "I know my geography and you can't just drive to Iona!" Well, you are correct. We took a ferry which escorted us to Scotland with the minibus included. Then we drove for quite a bit until we reached the picturesque Loch Lomond. There is a quite famous song about that particular loch, ask me about it if you are interested. After lunch with the famous view, we continued our drive (catching signs along the way saying HASTE YE BACK) to Oban, where we took our second ferry and left the minibus. We then took a bus and the last ferry. After 13 hours we had made it to Iona.

There were no miraculous healing fountains, no gimmicks or tracts. It was there just as it has been for hundreds of years. We went to the morning and evening worship. That was also a small walk from where we were staying and gave us some time to appreciate walking some more. The second day we were there we made a seven mile pilgrimage around the island. It was extremely enjoyable even if my neck and chest were sunburnt because of it. We stayed at a hostel on the island which had an acre of green grass that was extremely soft and led to an incredible beach with stunning views all around. I was able to run around in the grass, throw a frisbee around and sit with a cup of tea one morning on the grass taking in the beauty that surrounded me.

Now as a history major knowing that several Scottish and Norwegian kings were buried on Iona was pretty interesting. The monks of Iona were most famously known for the Book of Kells (800 AD) which is on display at Trinity College in Dublin. They fled because of the Viking attacks. They fled to an area not too far from Dublin called Slane, which I got to visit when my mom and aunt were here in late March/early April.

Newgrange, is another mecca for those who love Iona, anthropology, or archaeology. I have to be honest, I wasn't excited about going there at first. My mom was definitely the one to push that one. It turned out to be one of the more spiritually moving places for me. We were the last tour of that day and it had snowed that morning and was mizzly. We were pretty tired at that point. The guide explained the history and some of the theories surrounding what Newgrange was for. We were told no cameras or video devices were allowed. We had to snuggle into the passage way and were careful not touch the sides of entrance which was quite narrow. This was quite ironic to the whole group of us because as you can see in photos, Newgrange is big on the outside. I like though that they don't allow pictures, not just for the conservation of this 4,500 year old structure but also because it made the experience much more moving for me. The guide showed us what the winter solstice would be like for those who would come to sit in the dark and wait for the light to come into the tomb like structure. It was humbling to hear that the light wouldn't come every year because of cloud cover or the like. That these people would leave their own shelter and wait in the cold dark place for a light that might not even come showed a dedication that certainly wowed me and many others. I felt very privileged being able to see something that they held so dearly even though there are only theories behind what Newgrange meant to them.

Like the monks, I am also on a journey or passage. No, I am not being chased by vikings, nor have I written anything like the Book of Kells and I certainly don't have the same routine as they would have. What I see is that my passage continues even when I leave Belfast, though the passage might look different.

Apologies: Pictures don't seem to want to load right now, hopefully I will be able to get more up later!